Cheap and Cheerful

I spent an odd Christmas this year.  It was the first Christmas I'd spent without both Dean and my family, and both my roommate and my only other close friend are still out of town visiting their families.  As it turned out, I ended up at a nearby bar with a co-worker on Christmas Eve.  It was 7 PM and the place was pretty sad--dark, a few huddled figures at the bar, and dozens of empty tables.  We each had one drink before I stupidly mentioned the all-you-can-drink beer and soju joint right next door.  Enthused, my co-worker managed to convince me to check it out with him.

It was a mistake.  My limit is usually one bottle of soju and that's it.  But that night, I had a strong cocktail at the first bar, then a beer, then one and a half bottles of soju.  I don't even really remember what we talked about--our families, friends, tv shows, work--and I don't even remember walking to a coffee shop after or then walking home, but I know it happened.  I completely passed out when I got home, and the next day, I couldn't get out of bed for several hours.

He's a nice guy, my co-worker.  Well, kind of.  Sarcastic. Dead-pan.  Blunt.  But underneath it all, he's respectful and considerate.  A Korean son.

We hadn't really talked much at work for the last three months.  We'd exchange some pleasantries ("this company is going to fucking kill me") on the roof during a smoke break.  I'd wave if we passed in the halls.  It wasn't until the Christmas party last week that we started talking.  He came up to me at the bar and started chatting.  I was drunk.  He was friendly.  We went and got Korean after to sober up.  After that, we still didn't talk at the office.  And then, somehow--I really don't remember--I ended up inviting him to a bar when I was out with my roommate.  And after that, we've talked every day.  We're friends, but we're secret friends.  It's ridiculous.  It's childish.  But neither of us want to start chatting it up at the office, because I know how this office works and it's a fucking gossip mill from hell.  So we ignore each other at work and text at night.  It's uncomfortable and strange.

I want friends, but this relationship already seems like it's off on the wrong foot.